the year 2016

the year 2016

Posted on Friday, April 15, 2016

Well, it's my annual blog post!

Today, friends of ours gave birth to their first baby. It made me reflect on our family as we approach the one year mark since the birth of our son (weird, "our son"), and how crazy yet not-that-crazy it's been. We've been quick to settle into our new routine I think, and I'm starting to approach a mindset where it's hard to imagine how my life was before Miles. Weird, again.

Not to say I'm not doing the same things-- Quang and I take turns going out with friends, I'm still working harder than I probably should and worrying at about the same intensity.

I think the key difference is I'm finding myself to really ignore everything else as often as I can when we play together. As a chronic multi-tasker, this is very difficult for me, but there is so much to learn about him that I found if I tried to multi-task, somehow he would know and we would both be in separate worlds, not knowing each other. Only when we're fully immersed in each other's company do I study him, and find that he studies me. And it's a fun feeling, because it usually turns into a mode of play that is just full of laughs and squeals and fun that goes back and forth like some kinetic energy.

It's hard to describe. I can't say I am good about this every single time-- there are times when I want to clean up or respond to something on my phone. But I've made it a point to make those moments the exceptions and not the rule.

In the past year I've also come to just really truly appreciate Quang, more than I already did which is a lot. I can't believe how-- easy isn't the right word, but maybe uncomplicated-- he makes life. In the most amazing way. It's very simple with us. When I am angry, he listens. When he is sad, I am sad. When I need him, he's there. When he needs me, I'm there. It's a very balanced and elegant dance we've been doing meeting each other's needs and solving problems and loving each other. We're not perfect people, but it's been amazing to actually feel good about that with each other as we work to improve ourselves and do the best for the family we've created.

Maggie is the part of my life right now that makes me sad. I am not sure if she's going to be with us much longer, but because it's Maggie, I wouldn't be surprised if she were to live another year or even two! But the quality of her life right now is very bad. She can't run, she has some pretty bad days where she creakily inches forward when she walks, and her legs just give out half the time. She's also in a diaper when she's in the house. This is becoming the new normal for us, but I can't help but wonder if this is the right thing for her.